Fred's 2025 in Review Blog

Last Christmas, I wrote a YewTree blog to recap 2024. I don't remember much about it, but what I do know is that it was quite extensive, and probably full of a lot of waffle. Here I am, on the 24th December 2025 (the date on which I am finishing the blog), writing another one. Hopefully this time it won't be as long, but knowing me i doubt I'll manage that.

Trying to think back to the start of the year is like trying to remember your lines after briefly reading a script one time. The image of it you have in your head is definitely not what was written. Everything is completely different, especially me. I genuinely believe I am a different person now. And, since trying to remember that far back is difficult, I think I'll start closer to the end.

In one recent Connections rehearsal, we explored a physical theatre exercise, and I made a comment that went something along the lines of "If I forget that I'm Fred in a room with other people that might be watching me, and I just embrace the fact that I'm moving, then I can fully enjoy the exercise," to which Sarah responded with a reflection on my progress. She said that the Fred that walked into YewTree in early 2022 could never have said that. He would have put up a wall and said no, this exercise is ridiculous. But the current Fred has grown in confidence so much. And I simply have to agree.

I'll try as hard as possible to keep everything here related to YewTree, but trying to tell solely my experience with YewTree this year whilst ignoring others things that contributed to it is probably impossible, so in some sections, I may stray from YewTree. But Sarah was completely right; I have grown in confidence in a way that 2022 Fred could never have imagined.

Back then, I was nervous and shy, quite closed-off. But now, after four YewTree Christmas shows and many more events, I can safely say I have grown for the better.

Even at the start of the year (it's going to be chronological from here) I was nowhere near the person I am now. I was still in high school, still unsure of where I was going. We were still rehearsing for Mia and the Fish, the last connections play. I was (alongside Ash) portraying Samaki the Fish, a task that seemed dauntingly difficult and embarrassing at first. But, over time, I became attached to that fish, and not just because I kept getting caught on the chicken wire used to make the puppets. I embraced the peculiarity of the character and became the ancient, mysterious fish to save humanity by becoming a narwhal (that play was absolutely ridiculous and I loved it!).

In April, we had a trip to Bridlington where I was introduced to puppetry, stage combat, and a lovely, little (not so little) game known as That's Out! I am thrilled that we had that opportunity and wish I could go back to it. All of that built up to the final performance at the CAST theatre in Doncaster. Unlike the connections performance of Kiss/Marry/Push Off Cliff at the Sheffield Crucible the year before, this time, there was no passing out during rehearsals. The whole thing went smoothly. A larger venue, a fantastic performance space, and even a Greggs for lunch. Absolutely wonderful, definitely one of the highlights of my year. We even got to watch CAPA's fantastic performance of the play Saba's Swim that day too.

Which brings me on to CAPA itself. CAPA is a performing arts college in Wakefield, and a brilliant place for an arts education. I had my mind set on going there, and I didn't know what I would do if I didn't get in. The first audition was daunting. With a huge number of people all in the workshops at once, I found it hard to stand out and show what I could do. My confidence ran away and I thought that was it. Even after getting a recall, I had it set into my mind that clearly I had no way of getting into CAPA.

But... I still had that chance. I still had confidence enough to go for it. Sarah helped me pick out the two best monologues, and we were decisive. I went to that recall audition, gave it my all, and thankfully was successful. I cannot begin to describe the relief I felt receiving that acceptance email (Although I can tell you that I may have embarrassed myself by celebrating loudly as I was exiting school one day). I have Sarah to thank for my success there. Had it not been for YewTree, I don't think I would have made it to where I am now at CAPA.

This all happened vaguely around April. There was still the end of Year 11 and a whole Summer to get through.

Our Summer show was certainly an ambitious project. Covering all of the Trojan War in about twenty-five minutes seemed ludicrous to me at first. Silly me didn't have the confidence that I could perform well in my role as Menelaus. There it was again, that lack of confidence. If only I could just have someone there to tell me every time I doubt myself that I can do it, and I will persevere. Of course, it all did go well. The performance of "The Revenge of Eris" came, and went successfully, and I loved it in the end.

Exams flew by, Summer came, and a huge wave of boredom with it. Nine weeks of doing nothing much at all were ahead of me. At points, I was just waiting for something to happen, and time went by so slowly it felt like maybe Summer would last forever. I was so thankful for the YewYree Summer school, in which we had five days in early August to create a play (an "eco folk tale") and perform it on the Friday. The creative process went well for me, with a good cast and fun activities to help us develop this play over one week. The biggest challenge for me, however, was the performance at Nostell Priory. Under the shade of trees, we demonstrated our eco folk tale to the audience, and I was terrified. I'd never performed outside before, in a setting where anyone can see you and come over and watch. My confidence was plummeting all of that day until the performance itself, in which everything, as it always seems to, went smoothly, and I was once again shown that I don't need to fear new things.

Eventually, the Summer holidays finally decided to end and I could get right back to...

Back? I wasn't going back to anything. I was moving up to college, probably the biggest change I've had in my life, suddenly surrounded by new faces, without any of the old ones. Doing new, more intense, more creative things than I'd ever done before. Usually I fear change, but this one? I loved it.

It wasn't without moments of doubt, however. I've been performing since I joined YewTree in early 2022, and I've had some worthwhile experience (Sarah's pieces of advice like "verbs are friends" genuinely come in handy so much) but I didn't expect the amount of endurance and resilience I needed. A low point in my confidence came when I was rejected from CAPA's connections and the National Theatre New Views playwriting competition. Acting and writing have always been my two biggest passions, so being rejected was a huge blow. I thought if those are the things I'm meant to be good at, and I didn't get into connections or New Views, then maybe I'm just not any good. I am so glad that mindset didn't stick.

Because some good things happened. YewTree was still there. I got the role I wanted in both Black Company's Christmas play and our new connections play, The Animals. I got a Distinction in my Grade 7 LAMDA exam. Clearly, I am capable. Clearly, I am good. And clearly, I can carry on. From there, everything has been going up and up. All of my doubts and fears about college have gone, and my confidence in myself has remained constantly high since. I realised that if I keep thinking that I'm not any good, then I'll reflect that outwardly, but if I assure myself that I am worthy, and have the confidence to persevere, then I'll be successful. 

The Christmas show for Black Company was a touching piece about grief, and becoming the sorrowful King Frederick, demonstrating the change of his outlook was one of my favourite parts of this year. It resonated with me greatly. Like King Frederick, I was stuck thinking things won't get any better, but YewTree has given me the key to escaping those negative feelings, and becoming the best version of myself. I've noticed that now I'm in a position where I'm able to help other people and pick others up.

And it's not just huge examples of my growth, either. There are smaller ones. Like as we were waiting to perform our Christmas show, I led a vocal warm up, something I would never have stepped up to the task of in the past. And at the Connections read-through, I offered up a suggestion for the metaphorical check-ins we do at the start of each session, and got the job of creating one every week, whereas 2022 Fred would've just kept the ideas inside their head. (For any Connections people reading this, the metaphorical check-in for the first rehearsal after Christmas will be "If today you were a school subject, what would you be and why?")

I can't talk about my year at YewTree without giving thanks to everyone. Thank you to Sarah, for teaching us so much, and equipping us with the confidence and skills to go forwards into our lives with a sense of bravery. Thank you to my close friends at YewTree, who have been there for me when I needed them, and always picked me up with a good laugh and a hug. A special thanks to Izzy, Matthew and Amelia for kindly coercing me into doing connections again this year when I said I might not. (This is the only good example of peer pressure).

What comes next? Well, there's the connections performances in March and April, we're picking a one act play to perform in Black Company, and I'm preparing for my Grade 8 LAMDA acting exam, which I will likely do before Summer. On top of that, I'm sure the amazing friendships I've made at YewTree will grow even stronger, and my confidence in myself will soar even higher.

I'll finish by saying this: We can't always be perfect. My confidence levels won't always remain in the good place they are now. There are ups and downs to everything. We just have to remember, if we're at a lower point, we always have the ability to rise again, and we can look to the fantastic people around us to help. For me, that was YewTree, Sarah, and the friends I have made. 

I think next year's going to be great. Merry Christmas everyone! 

•⁠  ⁠Fred