Helena - Leavers Blog

 Hello, my name is Helena, I started Yew Tree when I was 11. I was painfully introverted and angsty, a tale as old as time. I was part of three Christmas shows at Sapphire company, which I personally believe to be the best company, don’t know why, just always liked the vibes. Anyway, I did three xmas shows, got the acting bug and was thought to myself, ‘I’m afraid of instability, change, and getting things wrong, I’m going to try and go into a career of acting!’ And thus my relationship with YT and acting began. 

I took a brief hiatus from YT after three years. Mental Health sucks. I was depressed and sad and didn’t feel like I deserved to take part in activities that made me feel good. I only bring this up because I know life can be cruel sometimes. If you feel this way, please just keep going, don’t quit on things that make you feel good. 

I came back at the age of 17. I’d survived high school, and most of my A levels and I was thin now, and about to enter a chapter of my life that posed a lot of questions I couldn’t answer. So I tentatively tiptoed my way back into Black Company, hoping I’d some of the answers I was looking for. I didn’t know it then, but I’d meet some of my closest friends that day. And I’d find the place that would pretty much be my life for the next five years. I’ve done a load of shows with Black company. A few highlights… Maybe This Time; I got to sing a solo and wear a 20’s dress. I don’t think Tom and I will ever live the lack of romantic chemistry between us down. Macbeth was and will always be so near and dear to me because I got to be a witch and the cast was my rock off stage. Remember when I said mental health sucks? That year wasn’t the best but because of plays like Macbeth and the people I met and laughed with, the good memories that year overshadow the bad. I’m going to skip a few years and move to my last (non xmas) show with Black; The Tempest. No, that is not a tear running down my eyes it is just hayfever. Not to get all pretentious but Prospero’s a fighter. I really like them. Playing them really taught me a lot about who I was, my strengths, my weaknesses, my ignorance even? Who knew you couldn’t learn 114 lines of Shakespeare at 3am in Starbucks two weeks before the show? Heads up if you ever do a Shakespeare with Sarah, adlibbing? Pretty much impossible haha. Deprecation aside…  I’m so proud of myself for that role. I’m proud I didn’t let the mistakes get me down, I’m proud for how much I cared about the words I was saying, I’m proud the gorgeous cast who I performed with, and getting to the end of that play? with those people? Remarkable. 

 

I did a lot of other things too. I directed a bit, when I say directed, I was more just an eager eyed, but fearful kid in the corner of Sarah’s rehearsals trying to muster the courage to say anything. But because Sarah kept inviting me back each year, I got less and less scared, managed to direct a few scenes even and helped some people to have moments they were proud of on stage. Directing for me is a slow and steady journey that I’m starting to really enjoy. I have gone a lot of my time in life apologising for being in the room, for having opinions, I think a lot of young people have trouble with that. I struggle to make a bold claim without saying ‘if that makes sense’ or ‘if you know what I mean’ or ‘erm or maybe’. Being able to sit in and watch a director at work, I started subconsciously apologising less. 

 

Volunteering. SO MUCH FUN. Oh my days let me tell you I hate Wednesdays, hate them.. But Emerald company slowly became my favourite thing about the week. I’m trying not to bring Corona into this but I’m so sad I didn’t get to say goodbye. So goodbye Emerald, I can’t wait till all your ridiculousness grows and flourishes. Sarah and anyone who volunteers is so god damn lucky to get to see that happen. I will miss Wednesday evenings a lot. 

So I can’t do a Yew Tree blog without talking about Sarah of course, it’s a bit weird because I’m pretty sure she’s the only one reading this so talking about her in 3^rd person seems off but. There aren’t really any words I can say to thank Sarah for everything she has done for me. Being thrown in at eleven, I didn’t realise how important Yew Tree would become to me. I don’t think I even realised it at seventeen, or six months ago. Life is incredibly rocky and it’s ever changing and complicated and hard. Sarah does the somewhat impossible job of being a constant, escape from that, for hundreds of people. Which is also remarkable because I’ve never felt overlooked or just part of a crowd with her. Upon reflection, she was often the opposite of what was going on in my life. When I was sad, she was happy, when I was a liability she kept me in check, but when I was proud she celebrated, when I was at rock bottom she was there keeping the light on, when I felt I had nobody she was my family. To put it short Sarah you saved my life. You saved it more than once and the words and the lectures and the love you’ve given me will no doubt save my life again for years to come. I have so much love for not just the company, but you. I consider you family and I hope I make you proud. I think you’re incredible. Thank you so much.

 

And so this year I’m finally leaving Yew Tree. I’ve seen a lot of my friends go and a lot of my friends starting that journey of uni, life etc. And I FINALLY get to write my Yew Tree leaving blog. May seem odd for celebrating but audition for drama school for four years and you’ll be popping the champagne too. 

 

I’ll miss Yew Tree sessions so much. It’s my second home. I’ve made lifelong friends, laughed until my belly hurt, sobbed my heart out, acted my little socks off. I’m not very good at endings, I don’t like them, so with a heavy heart I say goodbye for now, a big thank you, and offer everyone I’ve met along the way a socially distanced air hug. 

 

Helena x