Jess's Leaving Blog

 13 year old me walked into the Cluntergate Centre 5 years ago absolutely terrified of starting something completely alien where I knew no one and didn't know what to expect. I'd picked drama as one of my gcse options and thought I should try give it ago outside of school to give myself a bit more experience. However, I hated trying new things, and going in blind was incredibly daunting. I went in, sat down, and proceeded to stare at the floor whilst everyone did their best and worsts, determined not to make eye contact with anyone because I was so scared. But then as we went round the circle I realised with utter (and probably more intense than was necessary) joy that I actually knew two of the people that were there from school. This was good for two reasons; one, it meant I didn't have to start any friendships completely from scratch, which was a big win for me back then, and two, it made me feel less scared that I was trying something new because Penny had only just joined too, and Ash had been doing it for a while which meant it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought it would.

The first show I did was a 1920's murder mystery which I wish I had been involved in from the start because it was so much fun and I love murder mysteries as a genre. Despite my previous fear of new things, everyone was so welcoming and friendly, and I can't have imagines a more perfect first show. This show also ignited my love for costume, as much as Sarah hates it, and I still remember mine being shown as a good example for everyone else, for which I was very proud. 

It only got better from there, as in the Christmas show I was suddenly a narrator with so many lines I never left the stage! This time I was present from the start to the finish of creating the Christmas show, and my love of reading and storytelling was able to flourish as we brainstormed the twisted fairytale. 

Around rolled 2022 and the start of our next project, which ended up being, much to my delight, based on greek mythology. It was aptly called 'Live at the Apollo', and followed characters from greek myths as they prepared for a talent show. Part of what I've loved so much about Yew Tree is creating the stories that we immersed ourselves in for each show. Even if we didn't come up with the story ourselves, we definitely made each show our own through our characters.

The Christmas show of the same year was one of the most memorable for me, every company from Emerald to Black showed their creations in one night, and I was lucky enough to be part of two of them, as I was filling in for someone in Gold company. These shows marked my first transition from one company to the next, as my next show was with Gold Company. This is the company I spent the most time with overall, and where I met most of the people I am still friends with today. 

Before you get bored I'm going to move on from waffling about each show and talk about Connections. My first experience with it was watching the production of Hunt which I thought was so good and inspired me to be a part of Connections in 2023/24. Although I enjoyed the things we created in our weekly company sessions, being part of a connections show was a different experience entirely. Acting alongside the same people as the same characters for so much longer than normal really enabled me to realise how much fun I had exploring the deepest parts of a story that perhaps weren't even mentioned in the script. This was also where I found that one of my favourite parts of creating a show was the soundtrack, as we were told to add songs to a playlist that we thought gave summer vibes, and I was happy to find that a lot of my songs were chosen for the final playlist. After this, every time we were given a playlist to add to for each show I was on it straight away trying to add as many songs as possible from Radiohead to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. To this day I firmly believe that no performance is complete without a great playlist, and thank you to Ash H for feeding my ego by telling me that my songs were picked because I "just have great taste in music".

Kiss, Marry, Push off Cliff was such a fun experience and performing it at the Sheffield Crucible of all places made me feel very accomplished as a performer. However, Mia and the Fish was the next, and unfortunately last Connections show I was part of, and is definitely the best show I've ever been in. I didn't actually like the story at first and struggled with who to audition for, and so I went for the lead, obviously as you do, and much to my surprise actually got the part and made me realise, huh, maybe I'm actually good at this acting thing. The cast for this show was incredible, which leads me on to what can only be described as my favourite thing about going to Yew Tree each week: the people. I have had the privilege of meeting so many talented, funny, and like minded people because of Yew Tree, and it made me closer with some of the most important people in my life today. 

My last show, A Vampire Story, was by far the most poignant, and although I didn't have a big part, I had so much fun sharing the stage with the most amazing people that I had performed with for years now. I didn't cry during the performance, (Sarah's orders!) or after surprisingly, but I had had what I presume can only be called an emotional breakdown the week before, simply because the idea of not having a show to look forward to was such an odd experience that I hadn't had for so long, because even after we'd finished the summer or Christmas shows, you knew there was always the next one to look forward to. Not seeing these people at least once every week seemed so strange to me, and although Yew Tree definitely helped me to get over my fear of new things, (even if only slightly), change is still a scary thing to me, and moving from college to uni as well as performing in my last ever yew tree show seems like the biggest change I've ever encountered.

I've been putting off writing this blog, maybe because I completely forgot about it, or maybe because writing it seems like I am accepting that it's over for good. Even though I will never be in a yew tree show again, the experiences I have had during my 5 years here will stay with me forever, and I want to say thank you to everyone I had the pleasure of meeting during my time here, whether I only worked with you once, or was with you for every single show I was in, you know who you are. Thank you to Ash and Ashe for providing the tech, and to John who helped out in Sapphire and during Connections, and finally to Sarah for creating Yew Tree 30 years ago and allowing so many young people to find their voices, and helping me build my confidence and encouraging my passion for drama.

I'm going to finish with my five points of positivity for possibly the last time, 1. Being in an environment where it felt safe to make mistakes 2. The amazing people I have met along my journey at Yew Tree and seeing them grow into incredible actors 3. Having something to look forward too each week that gave me a break from school and homework which I have unfortunately yet to escape, but will probably miss when it's gone too 4. Giving me so many techniques and ways of improving my acting over the years, and last but not least, 5. Helping me realise that I want to pursue drama as a career now instead of just a hobby, and instilling the sense that I can do anything if I put my mind to it, you just need to believe.

Goodbye for now,